After that, I checked out some transgendered porn, but convinced myself it was a combination of the booze along with my lack of sex for quite some time, in conjunction with my fantasies about anal that fueled that fantasy. I tried to put it out of my mind, yet occasionally my fantasies would wander that way at times, and I would find myself again watching transgendered porn. Then one day while in a local mall restroom I turned from the urinal to see an attractive woman washing her hands at the sink. I took the sink beside her and as I started to wash my hands, trying to act suave.I said, “I think one of us is in the wrong restroom.”To which she replied in a deep voice, “No honey, I’m in the right one,” and dried her hands, then sashayed out, those sweet cheeks swinging hard.Dopey me, I stood there as she dried her hands and left, my jaw on the sink, and the biggest hard-on in my pants, unable to say a word.I had another sexy dream that night about having a blind date. A dinner date. Call it vanity or male pride, but I just couldn't admit my problem. I think she suspected I was having an affair with one of the girls at work. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it. The problem was, that's as far as my body would let me go. One secretary named Sandy was pretty brazen in suggesting a little tryst. I felt humiliated when I couldn't follow through. Mister Happy was definitely not happy, and I left the motel room ashamed that I'd even tried and hating myself all the more because my body didn't work.Oh, the nurse said the doc is running late this morning. Don't worry - we've got plenty of time to the good parts.I started going to the counselor alone, and I discovered things that had been bothering me all my life. My mom had secretly wanted a girl, and when I was eight or nine, she told me that she hoped I'd have been a girl. Coupled with the fact that she had a daughter after me who was a little princess, I felt worthless, like being a boy was.
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